His second birthday is coming up and milestones like these always leave me with very mixed feelings. If people ask me how Jackson is doing, the answer is great. And that’s true. He is doing great. His speech skills and vocabulary are impressive. He started walking and is so happy doing so.

Sometimes I wonder if we are too happy? Can you be happy when your child will become deafblind? It’s like I have a fairy on each shoulder, a happy fairy and an evil fairy. From time to time the evil fairy comes messing with me. Telling me I am being naïve, that I am too hopeful, too optimistic. That I am not fully aware of the struggle that lies ahead of us. The pain and sadness it will bring to my son. And then I cry, play some music, cry some more. It’s usually around important dates that this evil fairy pops up, or maybe it’s just the leaves falling, I don’t know. It’s about looking back and looking forward, reflecting and accepting.

It’s a little battle in my head that the happy fairy (thankfully) always wins. My hopes are just bigger than my fears. We’ve already come so far, the kid is as happy as can be, so bring it on. Two years my sweet baby Jackson. You’re not a baby anymore. New challenges await, and yes I am scared to see how you (and we) will cope, but I guess you’ve already proven that that’s uncalled for.

I choose happiness. Because you make me happy. Happy birthday my love.